About The Candidate: Greg Guy

The Republic Party’s Beliefs

The Republic Party believes in data before decision. If a choice doesn’t have research, analysis, and evidence supporting it, there’s no point in discussing it with the rest of the council.

That goes for any ridiculous notions on further funding for an inactive Resistance Army, let alone making a military move against the current Government that’s doomed to fail.

Greg’s Beliefs

When asked how his beliefs differ from his party’s, Greg had this to say “Why on Earth would my beliefs differ in any way? My party is perfect and its beliefs are perfect. Next question.”

Greg, however, has mentioned a new bill be passed within the council that guarantees anyone who votes for him a crisp five-dollar bill in the mail. (Contingent on if he actually wins the election.)

An Interview With The Candidate

Why do you think you’re the strongest candidate for this position?

Because I’m the best choice. Next question.

Short and succinct. I love it.

Next question.

Sorry. What do you hope to accomplish while on the council?

The same thing I accomplished while previously holding the seat: nothing.

Would you like to expand on that?

No.

Well, I think the voters might be a bit confused by the answer –

*Greg SIGHS* I believe there are few choices the council can make that are fully supported by evidence and data. I especially believe that any choice we make without evidence will be catastrophic to our future. Therefore, the best thing we can do – is nothing.

You are so wise.

I know.

Is there anything else you’d like to tell the voters?

Yes. We are currently working on a bill – or at least before I was so rudely, and temporarily impeached – where all dogs who poop on the sidewalk will be jailed immediately.

The dogs?

Correct. Unless they poop on the sidewalk outside my opposition’s home, including the Common Party or the Militia Party.

Rebel Party.

Whatever.

And voters will like this bill?

Of course. The data says it will be very popular among my party members – and eventually everyone else.