Apologies for the slight delay in our “News From The Front” update – but I was distracted by actually making some progress, for once!
That’s right, I finally have something to update you on, and it’s a doozy: I’m running for a seat on the council!
I know what some of you are thinking: “Weren’t you already a member of the Council?” No. I am the leader of the Resistance Army. The Council is something completely separate. I’m able to attend council meetings, but the role is pretty honorary, as I can’t actually vote on anything.
Normally, I think it’s important not to give the Military too much power in the Government (I mean, look where it got us with President Star), but the Council has been stalling for too long. If we don’t take action now – we’ll never accomplish anything! That’s been especially true because Greg Guy, one of the current councilmembers, seems like he’s been purposefully stalling any progress the Resistance tries to make.
I need a seat at the table!
Literally, they have yet to offer me a chair. But I digress. In order to open up one of the 12 seats on the council, someone had to go. And given that no seat is up for re-election for another 20 years (the Constitution is currently in-between drafts). Rima Seif, a member of the Resistance Army, and kickass friend, approached me with the idea of impeaching Greg “the stall” Guy.
The idea was sound – and we eventually pulled it off – but to do so, I needed the majority of the Council to agree with me.
But that was only half the battle! Once Greg was impeached, I had to actually be voted in by the Citizens of the New Republic.
And that’s why I’m writing this newsletter.
Journey To Impeachment
The way impeachment on the Council works is fairly simple. First, someone already on the Council has to make a call for impeachment and plead their case. Then, the impeachee (Greg) gets to plead a case of their own as to why they should stay. Afterward, the Council votes on the matter.
So, the first step was to actually find someone who would be willing to call for impeachment. The second step was knowing which way the votes would swing, and getting the right people on my side. The third step was, of course, actually being voted in.
Step One: Finding The Town Crier
Finding someone to call for impeachment was actually really easy. Mostly because politicians are so self-obsessed. You’ll eventually see how those two thoughts connect.
Rima had a friend on the council, Hansel Barnes, and she was able to get me a private meeting with him. (Cause apparently my rank as the Resistance Army leader means nothing to everybody.) Hansel wanted one thing: For people to start calling him “Hans”.
Supposedly, no one respected Hansel because it reminded them of the children’s story: Hansel and Gretel, where Gretel (the kickass witch slayer) saved Hansel’s tubby body from being an old woman’s early dinner.
So, I promised I would start calling him Hans in front of everyone and get the ball rolling. Hands were shaken, smiles were exchanged, and the call for impeachment was locked down.
Step One: Accomplished!
Step Two: Whip It
With step one out of the way, I had to look at who would actually be voting in the impeachment. I knew for a fact that at least five council members would be voting for Greg – cause he’s charming and makes friends easily. At least, that’s what Susan says.
I think it’s because he’s a man.
Anyway, including Hans, that left five people for my side, which meant I had to persuade the two independent thinkers, Reynard and Ava, to join me. It was time to whip their votes.
Reynard was just as easy as Hans. The two were actually connected. That’s because Reynard hates Hans. In fact, Reynard hates Hans so much that he claims they are mortal enemies. A bit extreme if you ask me, especially given that Reynard couldn’t remember exactly why they were mortal enemies, but here we are.
Reynard’s request was that every time I saw Hans I had to loudly declare “Where’s Gretel?” – thus reminding people of his name and its famous origins. I mean, really – Reynard is a genius. It’s no wonder he was voted into the Council.
Anyway, I agreed to this. Of course, as you know, I had just promised something very different to Hans, but here was my thought process:
Everytime I saw him I would say “Hey Hans! Where’s Gretel?” Which really would negate the whole question in the first place, right? I mean, at best, the people around me wouldn’t really understand what I was trying to do and think I was an idiot.
At worst, Hans gets what he wants and Reynard gets what he wants – and everything just cancels out. Either way: Voted Secured.
Out of the three people I had to make deals with, Ava’s request was really the most sensible. She wanted each Councilmember’s term to last indefinitely, leaving either when they choose to, when they’re impeached, or when they die.
This deal was the toughest I had to make. On one hand, this proposition was something I whole-heartedly disagreed with – especially for a democracy that was still evolving. On the other hand, I really needed Greg to be gone, so the Resistance could actually do something.
And then I remembered that I was now playing the game of politics – and the number one rule of that game: All politicians lie.
So, I said “Sure! Why not?”
Now Comes Step Three
With the votes I needed whipped and the impeachment ready to be called, everything after that went pretty smoothly. Hans called for the vote, made his case (using mostly my words, you’re welcome), and then Greg stepped up to make his own case.
His exact words were “Do it. I dare you.”
And so the council did. Now we just need to win the vote. Unfortunately, as I mentioned, the Constitution is currently in-between drafts. That leaves anyone who wants to run for the open seat able to do so – including recently impeached Greg.
Because of that, and because Rima and Susan mentioned that I was not the most “likeable” candidate, Rima has also decided to throw her hat into the ring.
This is where you come in.
There is now an Emergency Council Election that will not only fill the empty seat – but decide the fate of the New Republic!
We need you to vote for either myself or Rima. Between the two of us – we’re sure we can take down Greg! I mean, vote for whoever you think would be the best candidate – but I implore you to see how in every way that matters – it is NOT GREG GUY!
Voting closes September 15th at 11:59PM!
I guess that’s everything for now. Keep your eye on your inbox after the 15th to see who won! And please – send this to others so they can vote too! Tell them how important this is to the Resistance!
Until then, tune into my brother’s radio show, Falling Star Radio. Lord knows what he’s been talking about – hopefully something good.