Another week, another report with, well, nothing to report. As I said in the last “update”, it’s not like we’re trying to do jack-all with our team. We just don’t have the resources, and frankly, we don’t have the inspiration either.
Not like my parents did. So, I’ve decided that’s what this newsletter will be about:
The very first Resistance!
How It Started
Suggested Music: Baba O’Reily, The Who (For the rest of this Newsletter, feel free to put on the suggested music in the background to get you into the right mindset.)
So, as you know, President Star took over the Government about 30 years ago. How he did it, you ask? The history is a little blurry because, well, Star rewrote it. He claims the people loved him so much they begged him to create a world where his benevolent and harmonious rule could never end. (Side note: never trust a ruler who calls themselves benevolent. Like what? I’m supposed to be thankful you treat me like a human being? Seems sketch.)
Well, believe it or not, but from what we know, the change didn’t happen overnight. It was slow. Just little changes here and there, until suddenly the people had no control anymore. Anyway, after the Government implemented the “Career Lottery” (a few years after I was born ), things changed much more quickly. President Star officially took power, became our overlord, and, before we knew it, Pink Vans were coming to take the “unfavorables” away.
Elliot’s and Elise’s parents who accidentally drew “social media influencer” for their career? Gone.
Miss Murphy from down the street? Gone.
Jessica Harris, my fourth-grade bully? Gone. (But not missed.)
Well, my parents weren’t having it. Good ol’ Marcy and Jorge Flies. They quickly sprung into action with some of the other townspeople. Why no one else around the country did the same thing? I have no idea. But my dad always said it was because our town had this anger inside them that was passed down through generations. He told me, “You never want to piss off the people of ‘Bosstown’” – or – at least I think that’s what he called it. President Star abolished all maps too. (That’s why it’s so hard to find targets for the Resistance – we don’t know where they’re frickin located!)
Anyway, my parents gathered up the townsfolk and led a revolt on the local Police Station. (Back then, they were called Police and not Patrollers.) They burned the place to the ground.
…and rising from the ashes of that concrete building; the Resistance was born.
Susan: Let me know what you think of the addition I made to this paragraph, Hen!
Editor: Wow. You’re like a modern-day Hemmingway.
Susan: I can sense your sarcasm from here.
Editor: It’s almost like that was intentional. Notice my lack of exciting punctuation to emphasize how little I care.
Susan: You better remove these comments before you publish this!
Editor: Oh. For sure. You got it.
How It Went
Suggested Music: Convoy, C.W. McCall
After the victory at the Police Station, the town looked to my parents to lead, and they went out to fight the good fight. Battle after battle, the Resistance really put the hurt on President Star and his
gang of goons.
Editor: Oh look! Alliteration! I can be a writer too.
Susan: Change this back, right now!
Editor: Or what? You gonna fire me? Good luck finding me when you don’t even know my name!
Susan: The Resistance has enough to deal with. Must we fight with each other?
Susan: FINE! YOU WANNA BE LIKE THAT? WELCOME TO WAR BUDDY!
Editor: As an editor, I feel I should mention: You forgot the comma in between “war” and “buddy”.
Susan: SHUT UP!
The OG Resistance really wasn’t a force to be trifled with. At least, from what I was told. I wasn’t able to join them very much given how I was just a kid. I mean, someone had to take care of Birdy, especially with his leg. It wasn’t until he was a little older, and his leg was strong enough, that he didn’t really need someone around full time. (But let’s be real – I still worry he needs someone around full time.)
From the stories I heard, President Star didn’t really defeat my parents and their Resistance with any actual skill or intelligence. Instead, his soldiers got lucky. My parents heard about a gun factory not too far from them that was supplying Star’s army. They thought they could destroy the factory and take the guns for themselves.
Unfortunately, as luck would have it, the factory had a last-minute inspection, and because Star likes to threaten people, he demanded that every Government inspection be accompanied by a small regiment of soldiers – you know – in case people decide not to comply.
My parents and the rest of the Resistance were in the wrong place at the wrong time. They tried to send out a call to arms and hoped someone would rescue them. But no one came. Shortly after, they were executed by firing squad. President Star took all the credit. And for a long time, people lost all hope in a better future.
How It’s Going Now
Suggested Music: Funeral March, Vibaldy
Susan: Editor, can we get some more uplifting music for this section before sending out? Thanks!
Editor: Susan, first off, are you really still asking me to do stuff? I care so very little about this project. But I do need you uncultured swine to please understand that the Funeral March, also known as “Piano Sonanta No. 2 in B-Flat Minor” was composed by CHOPIN! Not whoever you wrote up there – though I’m assuming you were going for VIVALDI.
Susan: Oh? Did I accidentally hit a pressure point? Are you really this upset over some dead guy who put a bunch of dots on a piece of paper?
Editor: DOTS ON A PIECE OF PAPER? Do you have any idea who you’re talking about? These men were geniuses! Greats! In their time, they were basically Gods?
Susan: A bunch of white men who think they were gods? You just described every moment since time began.
Editor: Okay, but like – this was different.
Susan: Wait, Chopin? Is that why this song sounds so choppy?
Editor: It’s not pronounced CHOPPIN – it’s pronounced SHOW-PAHN, you ignorant baby!
Susan: Ooooo – name calling? Is that the best you got?
Editor: Oh – I can think of some other things to call you!
Editor: Sorry – some of those were – a little out of line.
Susan: I’ll say.
Susan: Fine, but like I said, just remove these comments before posting.
Editor: You got it!
Susan: Cool! Cause, last time it was super embarrassing and unprofessional that our conversation was still here for all to see.
How’s it going now? Well. We’re nowhere near where we need to be. Not like the old Resistance. Basically, all we’re fighting right now are bureaucrats and politicians – every – single – day. Something my parents never really had to deal with, at least, from what I know.
So, yea, progress has been slow! But we’re rebuilding that hope, slowly. Someday we’ll do something that rallies the people. I know we will! Until then, we continue to argue about pens, legislation, and – Damn. That’s really all we argue about, isn’t it?
Well, I guess, keep your eye on your inbox next week to see if we actually accomplish anything. But I doubt it. Until then, tune into my brother’s radio show, Falling Star Radio. Lord knows what he has to say, but maybe it’ll be a bit more inspiring than these newsletters.
Oh – and maybe share this with someone you know? How about your grandma? Maybe she’ll remember what the Resistance used to be like and she’ll talk your neighbors into believing in us too! Or maybe she won’t remember anything and this will all be a waste of time. Whatever.