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Honestly, I don’t know why I agreed to this. “News from the front”? What front? We’ve been stuck in this safe house arguing with each other since the Resistance first started.
The only people we’re fighting are each other. But Susan told me I needed to update all of you on what’s going on. Supposedly it’s good for morale. So, let’s do this.
Susan: Whoever edits this, can we pick a different image here? This makes it seem like we’re fighting in the middle ages and – I can’t tell you why – but I also feel like it says we’re losing.
Editor: It’s artistic. I like it. I’m keeping it.
What’s Been Happening?
This past week we’ve had about three meetings with the council. For your information, the council is made up of 12 people. They’re diverse, so we’ve got that going for us. Unfortunately, that doesn’t stop at race and gender. It also expands to political ideas and economic status. AKA: Some are rich, some are poor, and each one hates the other.
So, we’re stuck.
On one hand, it’s beautiful to see a republic at work, especially after so many years of living under President Star’s ridiculous and unconventional dictatorship. On the other hand, every time one of the council member’s opens their mouth, I want to pull out each one of their teeth – slowly. Greg, if you’re reading this, I’m talking about you specifically.
For those that don’t know, the council has elected me, Hen, to be the commander and chief of the Resistance’s army. But that gives me zero power until we actually step foot onto a battlefield. However, yesterday we finally agreed that all official documents should be completed with a ball-point, black-ink pen. So – I think that puts us only a few short decades away from our first official battle.
What Is The Resistance Going To Do Next?
Why would I tell you this? Who decided this should be a section of the newsletter? We can’t possibly tell people what our plans are! What if the Government gets a copy of this? Are you kidding me? Someone create a new section here before we send this out, cause this is extremely unprofessional.
Susan: Sorry Hen, you’re totally right. We’ll get this taken care of. Editor, can we replace this section with something better? Just go ahead and get creative.
Editor: I don’t get paid enough as an editor to replace the above section with something else. So, yea. Council, if you’re reading this, I expect my next paycheck to be actual currency and not just a picture of Hen taped to a fake dollar bill.Also, Susan, I have a name, thank you very much!
Susan: …You gonna tell me your name, or…?
Editor: We’ve worked together for ten years. You’re telling me you can’t remember my name?
Susan: I can’t see your face!
Editor: I see you every morning at breakfast! I tell you about my work as the editor. I constantly tell you how under appreciated I feel. Are you telling me you HAVEN’T BEEN LISTENING AT ALL?
Editor: Oh? OH? That’s all you have to say?
Susan has Disabled Comments
How Can You Help?
Well, for starters, share this newsletter with someone you know. We need to keep the Resistance alive, and that doesn’t happen without people like you. Next, let us know what the Patrollers are up to! We don’t have an official email or anything, but Birdy, my brother, set something up. So, if you know anything about the Government or the Patrollers that might help us, go ahead and email email@example.com.
Don’t worry, he’ll get it to me – I hope.
Oh! And I promised Birdy I’d mention this. Tune into his broadcast of Falling Star Radio. He talks about – stuff. I don’t know. Just go listen, and tell me if it’s any good so I know if I should stop recommending it to people! Until next time, keep your eyes peeled and your head to the sky…
Because President Star is crazy and I wouldn’t put it past him to accidentally blow up his own country.
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